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Several years ago I was involved in setting up care for a married couple living in Lakewood. When I met the wife who we'll call Mary, she was recovering from a hip fracture in a local nursing home. She was a petite woman and very sweet. The neighbors, concerned about their welfare, had been helping the couple for some time because they had no children and both were in their nineties. The first time I met the husband he was resistant to the idea of having strangers, caregivers, in his home. However he did realize that if his wife was to return home he would need help caring for her because his health was not good.
After Mary came home and the care began she would take the caregivers aside and say things line, "don't cross him or he'll bonk you on the head". There were also times when she asked the caregivers "not to leave her because she was afraid of being alone with him". The caregivers noticed bruises on her back and her arms when they were bathing her. These were reported to adult protective services because we were concerned for Mary's safety. We saw only small signs of agitation and impatience by her husband. We did not actually witness any physical abuse although he was verbally abusive with Mary at times. Unfortunately before an investigation could be completed, Mary had another fall, reportedly during the night and broke her other arm and her hip. She was hospitalized and passed away within the week.
According to the CDC, 92% of women who are physically abused by their partners do not discuss this with their physicians, 57% did not discuss the incident with anyone. 1 A study published in the Gerontologist, February 2007, indicated that only 3% of older women were asked by health providers if they were a subject of domestic violence and if the subject did arise, they felt discounted or unsupported. 2 There are 3.9 million women who are married or living with someone who are physically abused, another 20.7 million who are verbally or emotionally abused and yet physician's don't ask and women don't tell.
Many times if the mother is abused, children also suffer abuse. As time passes and children move out of the home the situation doesn't change. Younger abused women become older abused women and children who have knowledge of the situation often don't know what to do. Women often feel that they can't leave due to financial reasons related to their inability to support themselves. This is an unfortunate situation and it takes a strong woman to leave.
Lifelong domestic violence turns into elder abuse in our aging population. The situation becomes more significant when an older adult is diagnosed with cognitive impairment or another chronic condition and the person providing care, usually the abuser controls the situation.
It is fortunately at this time that many children do become involved because they see that their parent no longer has the ability to react to the situation, they are instead a helpless participant in a longstanding relationship of abuse. If you find yourself or a loved one in this situation, there is help, contact the National Center on elder Abuse at www.nccea.aoa.gov or the domestic abuse hotline at 888-232-8790 www.dahmw.org. You may also contact the local department of health and human services adult protection department in the county where you live.
Sources:
1. http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html
2. Bonomi, Amy E. et. al. Intimate Partner Violence in Older Women. The Gerontologist Vol. 47, Number 1, February 2007, p 34.
Copyright 2011 Pamela D. Wilson, All Rights Reserved.
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