By Pamela D Wilson, The Care Navigator, CSA, MS, BS/BA, CG

In our busy world, caregiving can become a complicated task especially when multiple family members are involved. Who will take responsibility for what tasks? Often the majority of the work is delegated to the family member who has the most available time. Caregivers placed in this position feel that this is not always fair and that their brothers, sisters, or other family members take advantage of them. This resentment creeps into family relationships and sometimes results in the need for legal intervention.

The individual with the majority of the caregiving burden burns out and their health may fail. Statistics report that caregiver stress is at an all time high resulting in physical and emotional declines. Exhausted caregivers are taken to task by family members for not doing more. Or the caregivers themselves feel guilty that they are not doing enough to care for the family member. Many times this is a no win situation unless other family members will commit to providing support through time or money. Sometimes abuse occurs within the family and one individual takes liberties with mom or dad's bank account. Other times physical or emotional abuse occurs. The abuse, usually unintentional, results in a situation that escalates.

 

 

Signs of caregiver exhaustion can be seen in the older adult through poor general appearance or hygiene, poor nutrition, dehydration, lack of socialization or missed medical appointments. At times the primary caregiver is so exhausted that they do not notice weight loss or other changes in the older adult that may be seen by other family members who express concern. It is at this point that family disagreements occur about the best care for the older adult. Some family members may recommend facility placement or in home care because they feel the primary caregiver is unable to provide the best care. One child may feel that another just wants to put mom or dad "away". Another child may feel that not enough is being done and that other family members are stupid.

While your goal is to help the family determine who has mom or dad's best interests at heart and who will act responsibly, you do not want to get caught up in the maze of issues that result once this decision is made. Frequently even when attorneys, CPAs or other planning professionals are involved I provide an evaluation that begins with looking at medical needs and then provide options for the family to consider. Costs are included because many times an attorney and financial advisor may be developing a long term plan and find this information helpful. My goal is to never tell a family what to do but to give them a realistic approach.

Many times a compromise is the best course of action for the older adult and the entire family. The primary caregiver may feel unappreciated or victimized because other family members feel he or she is not providing the best care. While neither side may want to be seen as "giving in" it may be in the best interests of the older adult to compromise. Many older adults would prefer to remain at home if the cost of care is not prohibitive or if the care necessary does not exceed what can be provided. Families should know that there are many options available for assistance so that any one family member need not be overwhelmed and the best interest of the person needing care is the priority.

Copyright 2011 Pamela D. Wilson, All Rights Reserved.

For more services available visit Guardianship, Financial Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney, Personal Representative, Case Manager or Care Navigator and Move Manager Services.

Return to The Care Navigator Home Page.