By Pamela D. Wilson, The Care Navigator, CSA, MS, BS/BA, CG

Terry's parents are having more difficulty day by day caring for themselves. Her mother who was the main caregiver of the couple now has early Alzheimer's disease. Her father has mobility difficulties and is paralyzed by the thought of making any changes because his wife took care of all of the family business. He is in denial about the care his wife requires and simply ignores the changes that are occurring with her physically and mentally. They currently live independently at home with the assistance of a housekeeper who has taken on more tasks; however even this amount of care is not enough. Terry supplements their financial needs with her own income; however she cannot continue to do this indefinitely.

Ellen's mother, Edna, has allowed a friend to move into her home with the agreement that the friend would provide care. The friend comes and goes, does not pay rent, makes long distance phone calls that Edna pays for and rarely provides assistance over and above making a meal now and then. Edna also co-signed on a car loan for the friend because the friend's credit was not good enough to purchase the car on her own. Edna purchases all of the groceries and pays for all of the home maintenance and when approached about the situation will say it's not ideal; however she would feel too alone if she asked her friend to move out. Ellen is very frustrated and feels that the friend is taking advantage of her mother but isn't sure what can be done since her mother just can't ask the friend to move out.

Tina lives alone and her neighbors have contacted her daughter who lives in Oregon. The neighbors admit they have enabled Tina's inability to care for herself by stepping in to grocery shop, housekeep, run errands and remind her to take medications. Tina's daughter Marion has talked with Tina about moving to Oregon to be near family and Tina refuses unless she can live in Marion's home as she does not want to live in a facility. Tina and her husband are frustrated and don't know what to do.

Families finding themselves in similar circumstances are more common than ever. These are all examples with variations in names and backgrounds that I have personally worked with families to resolve to positive outcomes.

Older adults continue the behavior patterns they had in their youth and these usually become more prominent to family members when they become involved in the care of their parents or other family members. These situations are emotional and plain frustrating for many who lack the ability to distance themselves from the situation and view options in an objective manner. Additionally, many family members lack knowledge of available resources and the experience working through these types of situations until they occur which is where I can be both a problem solver and a resource.

Copyright 2011 Pamela D. Wilson, All Rights Reserved.

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