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The alcoholic daughter of a woman I know frequently threatens her mother with nursing home placement "if she doesn't behave". In another family, a son has taken over the responsibility of care for his mother because the mother alienated her daughter and they no longer speak. Another son tried to have his mother declared mentally incompetent so he could have her placed in a facility and take over the family home.
Unfortunately these stories happen more often than not and are due to a lack of planning by parents. In many cases, the parents failed to plan ahead and give thought to which family member or child would be best suited to be the Power of Attorney for health and financial matters. The question parents fail to ask themselves is "which child will truly act in my best interests and according to my wishes". Some fail to ask at all and then when something happens, family members fight for power. Others choose the wrong child and later regret their decision.
No matter our age, it's important to have a heart to heart talk about the realities of aging, health care and the finality of death. You'd be surprised at how different husbands, wives and children feel about these life events. In good times we all have the best of intentions until the time arrives and the work involved becomes overwhelming and burdensome. Promises made are broken. Disagreements occur over who will take responsibility. Small things become monumental challenges.
Later in life planning is an awkward discussion for parents, children and family members. No one likes to talk about what happens when they can no longer take care of themselves. No one likes to admit one way we'll all die. These are practical and necessary discussions and the time to have them is long before they occur so that rational and practical plans may be made.
My parents pre-paid and planed their funerals so that when the time came we children would not be burdened with last minute details. At the time we thought our parents were crazy. We didn't want to discuss "death" because it wasn't going to happen to our parents. Later when death did occur, we were thankful. They also established powers of attorney, set up a trust and completed all of the legal details of their wishes. My parents were wonderful individuals with practical foresight who allowed their children the gift of grieving versus the challenge of planning funerals and dealing with details at what should be a time of togetherness, not duty.
It's never too early to give consideration to planning for future wishes, giving your loved ones a gift of pre-planning and peace of mind.
Copyright 2011 Pamela D. Wilson all rights reserved.
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