By Pamela D Wilson, The Care Navigator, CSA, MS, BS/BA, CG
Many attorneys become involved with families when health care issues arise, especially memory loss. I see many cases where a caregiving situation running smoothly for years suddenly turns into a nightmare. Perhaps the individual requiring care becomes combative or incontinence becomes an overwhelming task to manage. A previously comfortable situation becomes turbulent and turns into a situation where the caregiver is at a breaking point. However no thought was previously given to legal needs. Thus there is no vehicle for the family member to make health or financial decisions on the part of the person needing care especially if the consideration is to place the individual in a care community. And, as their attorney, you are brought in to work magic.
Read more: High Caregiver Stress Increases the Difficulty Level in Working with Clients
By Pamela D Wilson, The Care Navigator, CSA, MS, BS/BA, CG
I recently received a telephone call from the housekeeper of a woman named Shirley. She called, frantic because Shirley was starving herself -- she wanted to die. After speaking with the housekeeper, I learned that there was a neighbor who had taken on the task of helping Shirley on a regular basis because there was no immediate family in town.
I spoke to Mike, the neighbor, about visiting with he and Shirley to determine what might be done. Upon meeting Shirley, I discovered a small woman of 5 ft. and 80 lbs. according to the scale in her home. She was quite conversational and admitted that she was starving herself because "the angel of death had visited" and she no longer wanted to live. Shirley was physically weak, could barely walk by herself and had not bathed in some time. She had a notable lack of memory and her only means of nutrition was juice that she drank during the day.
By Pamela D. Wilson, The 
"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." This is a quote from Lou Holtz former Notre Dame Football coach. Caregiving (or anything we do) is difficult if that is how we see the task. Our attitude toward caregiving determines how well we will perform. To some, caregiving is a privilege, it is love, it is kindness, and it's the ability to return the care to a parent that we received from them as a child.
You're a caregiver; burned out, exhausted, angry. You can't possibly do more for your loved one. You want to escape the situation yet wonder how you ever got to this point. You're the person at work who takes the extra shifts, who pitches in when help is needed. Whether you are a caregiver at home or a caring type at work isn't it time to look at how your actions are contributing to the situation?
February is the month of love: Cupid shooting arrows, bouquets of flowers, boxes of candy, Valentine's Day cards -- everyone wanting to feel loved. And yet a feeling of mixed emotions often exists with those providing care to others. You look at your life and wonder how you got here. It's not what you had hoped for and certainly not even near the ideal situation. Sometimes you wish you could just run away. Research indicates that caregivers with mixed emotions about caregiving experience a higher degree of psychological stress and that the foundation for these feelings is the quality of the relationship with the person receiving the care. (1)
Caregiving isn't an easy road. You feel joy and fulfillment as well as guilt, anger, depression and loneliness. You feel family members have left you with the goods -- the responsibility of physically and financially caring for your loved one. On one hand you resent the time you spend caregiving on the other you feel guilty because you're not doing more. Your life has lost balance and you realize you can't see the forest through the trees. No one seems to understand.
As caregivers, our inclination is to do everything for the person for whom we provide care. We see it as our duty, as an accommodation, as the right thing to do. Who wouldn't want to be waited on, to receive care?
A client of mine suffers from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He had an accident ten years ago and is extremely anxious. He cannot stop thinking about the accident and often relives the event repeatedly. If you saw him you would see an attractive silver haired older man able to carry on an intelligent conversation and discuss world events with the best of us.
With aging comes the great likelihood that we will need a caregiver; someone to help with daily tasks and personal hygiene. Often it's not practical for family members and friends to provide all the assistance you or a loved one needs.
By Pamela D. Wilson, The 
Many family members only see their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or other loved ones during the holidays due to distance, time and many other factors. It is often after this that I hear "mom and dad seem to be really going downhill". The holidays are a good time to visit family and to monitor ongoing ability to do everyday tasks.
The mother of a client was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. There are four children, two sisters and two brothers, in the family who rallied to provide care for the mother in the way of day to day activities such as housekeeping, meal prep, errands, laundry etc. After about a month, the children decided to seek outside assistance because they realized that their mother's health will not improve and they cannot keep up the schedules of providing care for her, working, and caring for their own families.
When I was a child, Valentine's Day was a significant day. My mom purchased the small box of cards that I would print for all of my classmates; especially the one boy who I hoped would like me. As I grew up, Valentine's Day continued to have special meaning. Flowers would (or would not) show up in the workplace, dinners would (or would not occur), I would (or would not) have a special person to acknowledge on this date. Then I began to realize that I didn't really need this date to do something special for someone, or for myself. I could recognize myself or others anytime during the year.
A woman called asking for assistance in having her father released from a nursing home. Her father was admitted 45 days prior for rehabilitation after a stroke. It was the opinion of the nursing home that her father needed continuous care and should remain in the nursing home permanently. The director of the nursing home went to the extent to tell the daughter that they would see that Medicare did not pay for his initial 45 days of care if they took him home "against medical advice" (this is not ethical or legal). The nursing home further contacted county adult protective services to "advise" the daughter that they would be "supervising" the care she would provide her father if she moved him home.
As we move through life at ages 50, 60, 70 and beyond, we notice subtle changes in our abilities. The changes may seem small at first glance. However, subtle changes quickly become difficult to reverse if ignored.