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The mother of a client was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. There are four children, two sisters and two brothers, in the family who rallied to provide care for the mother in the way of day to day activities such as housekeeping, meal prep, errands, laundry etc. After about a month, the children decided to seek outside assistance because they realized that their mother's health will not improve and they cannot keep up the schedules of providing care for her, working, and caring for their own families.
In a meeting with the entire family, the mother kept stating, "I can't decide to do anything (receive outside care) until I know what is going on." The daughter most responsible for her mother's medical needs went into a long discussion of what the physicians had told her mother about the condition and the fact that it is terminal. The son most responsible for finances reassured his mother that there was no issue in paying for care and that he and his siblings want her to have more support than they can offer.
In spite of the lengthy discussion, the mother was still resistant to the idea of accepting help and readily denied making her children feel guilty about not coming at her beck and call even when she calls them at work multiple times each day. One suggestion to the family was to make an appointment for their mother with a psychologist who might be able to discuss feelings of grief, anger and loss related to the terminal diagnosis. Denial about an illness usually results in family distress and difficulties.
In this case, the mother's children had already moved through their stage of denial and grief by accepting the diagnosis and attempting to make practical plans for the care of their mother. The next challenge is to allow their mother to gain acceptance so that she can accept and receive the assistance she truly needs to enhance the quality of her life during this period.
Copyright 2011 Pamela D. Wilson, All Rights Reserved.
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