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As caregivers, our inclination is to do everything for the person for whom we provide care. We see it as our duty, as an accommodation, as the right thing to do. Who wouldn't want to be waited on, to receive care?
But sometimes the amount of help we provide can be a detriment. If we do everything for a person it can have the opposite effect of our good intentions to rehabilitate or help them remain independent. It can make the person receiving care feel that they can do nothing on their own. It can increase feelings of helplessness and decrease physical ability. Too much help instills a sense of lost dignity.
Persons who receive care feel that once they become frail, no one asks their opinion and they have few if any opportunities to contribute. This can be frustrating for a person who was previously very independent and active yet has difficulty understanding why they need help. In many cases assistance is needed due to cognitive impairment or decline in other physical abilities. This is often very difficult for the care receiver to comprehend – sometimes they become angry.
From a caregiver perspective, doing everything for the person is quicker, easier and saves time. The caregiver is able to do many things in half the time. Helping someone help himself or herself can be time consuming and frustrating – it requires a great deal of patience and empathy. I can tie my shoes in one minute. If I help someone tie their shoes it may take 10 minutes, if I help them dress it may take 30 minutes. In this situation an open discussion of the frustrations, fears and concerns of both parties can improve the caregiving relationship. We need to help those for whom we provide care to do as much as possible for themselves. It's a matter of dignity.
Copyright 2011 Pamela D. Wilson, All Rights Reserved.
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